I went through numerous mini heart-attack moments today while I was driving since it was raining heavily. It was tiresome and I was stressed out throughout the ride. Not to mention I drove for 3 hours straight just for the sole purpose of picking up and dropping off my sisters to and from different places. “You did not drive out of town didn’t you? I don’t believe you drove for 3 hours in the same city!” you say? I’m not bluffing, blame the endless traffic jam! Also wrong choice of time (shouldn’t go to the city during peak hours). The reason I was writing this post is not because I want to whine, I would like to tell people that despite of all these difficulties I have gone through today, by the time I reached home I didn’t get exhausted and gloomy, I came home with a big smile. I realized that I’ve changed a lot in term of emotions and I have managed to be the master of my own mood and feelings. I realized that I’ve changed for good and it makes me even happier.
Actually I’ve already realize this thing sooner than I thought. Last year, I prayed to God for something that I don’t think I deserve yet I got it anyway. I feel so thankful that it made me vowed to myself that I will not whine about my difficulties in life anymore. I promised myself that I will always be thankful with everything I have, despite of good or bad. And by fulfilling my own promise to myself, I have learned to be happy and content with what I have. I am not perfect. There are times when I feel the tendency to whine and question the bad things that happened to me, and there are times that I’ve made a slip of the tongue, yet I will never let go of the idea of being thankful of everything. It made me appreciate peoples and things around me even more and it somehow made me feel stronger from the inside. I still can’t believe that such a simple act can impact me and turned my life almost 360 degrees into a world of contentment.
In the past, I self-diagnosed myself with depression. I cried a lot, especially during that silent moment before I sleep. I basically always silently cry myself to sleep. When I think about it, I don’t even understand why small things like not being able to accept my physical appearance or what I heard people talk about me can crush my self-confidence into tiny pieces. All of it doesn’t matter. I will always have endless doubt about my appearance and other people’s mouth will never stop talking, but I, too, have the power to not care about any single thing about this. I have the power to be happy despite of anything. Just think about it, readers. Am I not right? You can always shield yourself with a sturdy but destructible armor OR just let the attacks came through and hit you because you know that you are an unbreakable, strong as fuck motherfucker. Your choice. Let us all keep that in mind.
I think that’s all I have for now. Until then, じゃね!