Rage In Reverie

Category: m

Dreams.

Hi all. About 2 weeks ago, I had a dream where one of my upper molar teeth fell off. 70% of the tooth fell off naturally and 30% of the remaining stayed on my gum so I took it out using a pair of pincers. I don’t know where this originated from but here where I live, some people believed that dreaming of one’s tooth to fall off indicates that someone you know in your life will die soon. Of course I panicked when I got up from that dream. Actually, I refused to believe such prophecies but I have heard first-hand experience from a close friend of mine where he dreamt of the same dream that I had, and after a few weeks someone in his family died. I thought that it was a coincidence that these things just happened to occur in that order. Yeah, I was never a fan of things like dream interpretations or “tafsir mimpi” as we say it in Malay, but ladies and gentlemen, the world keep on revolving and some things tend to change. 

One of my relatives passed away in the last 3 days.

To be honest I almost forgot about the dream until my sister brought it up. “Didn’t you dreamt about one of your teeth falling off last time? Maybe the tafsir mimpi is right all along.” I really refuse to believe these were all connected but it’s just eerie to think about it. And then right after the very sad death news, another one came up. So in the past three days, I have two of my relatives passed away. And then I remembered that the tooth in my dream fell off twice; one naturally and one I extracted it out. I don’t know if I am making any sense but do you get me? One tooth, fell off twice, and two deaths.

I have to say this experience kinda stirred my take on this whole dream interpretations thing. Maybe if it involves teeth then it will be believable but if it involves other things like seeing a snake in your dream indicates bad omen or anything like that, that I will not believe. Well, I couldn’t say that yet unless I’ve dreamt of one but no worries, I will write a post about it if it did ever happen. 

I pray for my late relatives to be blessed by Allah swt, bless the families that they have left behind, and may them placed in Jannah. Amiin.

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Temporary Feelings.

Have you ever developed an interest to get closer and learn more about a particular individual? Well, I did. A couple of times in my life. It’s seldom out of ‘crush’ thingy or anything along that line, it’s merely about curiosity. I am a very curious person. When some things/persons sparked my curiosity, I tend to follow it until the very end. I think it’s a good thing to be curious because you get to learn more about things but an advice to fellow curious peoples: don’t get too hooked up on it. You might kill a lot of precious time over some insignificant matters just to satisfy your curiosity, like I always did. Not good!

For being a curious-as-a-cat person, I started to develop my observation skills. To be honest, I don’t really take time to observe people around me unless I already set my eyes on them (out of curiosity). That’s why I’m the last person you should ever ask for opinions on your weight-gain or 1-inch shorter haircut. I won’t notice all that unless you point it out, I’m so sorry 😝

Just to clarify, I’m not that creepy, Nosy Parker kinda person while in the process of satisfying my curiosity. I only observe what has been placed in my sight. For example, I like this one person in my class because I think he’s cool and stuff even though he doesn’t seem like it. How do I know he’s actually cool and stuff? Because I observed him during our classes together. I like the way he responds to people, I love how kind and genuine his expressions were, and I actually engaged with him into conversations and found out about our mutual likes. I seldom go to the extent of stalking a person on social medias unless I’ve developed a stronger emotion for this person. Okay that is kinda creepy but who doesn’t do that nowadays, right?

Talking about this particular person… Well, we have a lot of interesting things in common, especially this one thing. But I will not be talking about it here because it would be too obvious. And because I liked everything that I saw during my observations about him, I found myself to kinda ✨spark✨ some kind of feelings for this person. I don’t want to feed the emotions but it seems to be growing fonder and fonder each day. It became cumbersome to me. I hate to admit that having this kind of feeling for someone that you can see on regular basis is quite exhilarating but it makes me nervous as well. Believe it or not I have tried my very best to look calm and collected every time I’m around this person so that no one will notice what’s going on ‘behind the scene’. It was exhausting yet I found fun in the process. “What are your expectations about this?” you ask? Well, I don’t expect for the feelings to be mutual on both sides because let’s face it, people nowadays are too concerned about what they can see with their eyes. I don’t have what it takes to be a ‘pretty girl’ (not now, soon maybe) judging on physical appearance but not that I care about it. When it comes to love, I want it to be everlasting. And it is supposed to be pure and unaffected by any factors. And it’s even better when it caught me off-guard. I don’t want to expect more out of this because this is just a ‘filler arc’ in my story and filler arcs aren’t supposed to take the most spaces in the storyboard.

To be honest I really enjoyed what I am going through right now, but I don’t think it would be a long ride. I am looking forward to that day when I will be able to be around that person without forcing my brain all-out to act like a normal person. And when that time comes, I know a filler arc in my life has ended. If I ever gathered enough courage maybe then I’ll let the person know that I always liked him before we part ways during our final semester together.

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P/S: I am proud to tell everyone that I have finished watching and reading One Piece anime and manga in 5 months period and now I am waiting for new chapters and episodes like any other people! Here’s one of my favourite scene in One Piece and I might write a post about the best story ever (One Piece, lol) in the future!

Something I’ve Learned.

Hello. It’s not unusual that I will be posting something at strange times like this. It’s 1 a.m., and I have a paper this evening. Typical me 🙂

I would like to share something with all my fellow readers. Something that I’ve learned from the past few days. Since my sister has bought a new car, she “inherits” her old car to me so basically I’m not gonna be a university bus passenger anymore, which is a good thing for me. The hardships and struggles that you have to go through just to get a bus ride at my university, I don’t even want to mention about it. It’s horrible. There are too many people crammed in one bus most of the time, and I am so glad that I have a chance to be away from all those things. Okay by the way, now that I have my own car, means I have to drive it everyday to class, right? The problem is, I tend to feel scared to be on the road, especially when I’m driving alone. I never have the guts to try routes that I am not familiar with. All I have in my mind is the thoughts of crashing into trees/other cars/pedestrians/etc. To be honest, I have never drove for more than 5 kilometers before, on my own, until last week. I told myself that if I want to live, I have to be brave. I have to get out of this cocoon of uncertainty. Yes, that’s what I did last week, and it’s all thanks to my elder sister (the one who inherits her old car to me). She forced me to drive as far as I can and she encouraged me to do it, to get out of my comfort zone. And from that moment, I can already feel a new life flowing into my soul. Everything feels so good as I stepped on the pedal and drive my heart out. I was reluctant at first but I instantly fell in love with my new-found freedom while I was on the road. I thought to myself, “Hey, this is not bad at all. Why haven’t I done this before? What’s stopping me?” and stuffs.

I know this might sound lame since it only happened to me at this age, but it’s never too late to get a taste of life, you know. Before I continue my endeavour for my last minute revision for the finals, I’ll leave something for you guys to ponder upon. Here it is. Cheers!

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Thank You, 2013.

Hello 2014, sing me a line from your favourite song.

I know it’s a bit late for a 2013 appreciation post but here it goes. This might sound cliche but in general, 2013 is making me a better person. I have been through a lot of ups and downs last year, and they only made me who I am right now. I fell in and out of love. I made friendships with peoples who were once a stranger to me. I learned to be the one who confessed instead of being the listener like I always did. I made mistakes and I made up for it. I also found my true potential and I finally found the true meaning of “where there’s a will, there’s a way”.

The first 6 months of 2013 has been one of the hardest moments in my life. I have struggled with my self-image, satisfactory grades at university when I know I can achieve better, heartbreak, hardship of focusing on my studies, and finding true purpose why I entered UMS instead of the college I have always wanted. Now I understand that sometimes life will not give you everything that you want, no matter how much you wish for it and how hard you worked for it. And when that happens, you have to learn to just suck it up and go on with other better things in your life. And that’s what I did.

I gave up on life some time during that 6 months but I got myself up and convinced myself that this is not the end. How many tears have I shed for the miserable struggles that I have been through, God knows. But then, at the end of 2013 I found myself again. I found my turning point. I changed it all. I changed my lifestyle, I worked hard for the thing I have always wanted and in fact, I’m still working for it right now. I have sacrificed a lot of time, energy, and desires just for these “changes”, I am so eager for it. I cannot wait for the end result, and how much it would positively impact my life in all ways. Wherever I go now, people I know will start to notice those changes, and it made me happy. I will talk more about it soon.

I think enough with the long texts, here’s some pictures of what happened in my life during 2013:

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Bought an iPhone 5S. Actually I wanted to buy an iPhone 5 but this is all I can find. I am so thankful for this 🙂

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 Bought my second 12″ vinyl, Kveikur by Sigur Ros. So happy.

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Daft Punk released Random Access Memories, what is happiness again?

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Berniaga for the first time legitimately. This was for our APK subject at the university, we didn’t get much but it was a fun experience!

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We got this little buddy earlier last year, and we named him Toby. Sometimes it changed to Tibby, Toby-Chan, Tabby, Ribby, whatever that ends with -by but in the end it’s always Toby.

August: Independence Month.

Hiya!

It’s the end of August and it makes me a bit sad, because August is my favourite month of all. Reasons: My birthday and my parents’ wedding anniversary. Which date, you ask? 6th of August and yes, both are on the same date! Pretty neat, huh? And August is also the independence month for Malaysia, kinda, because our country’s independence day fell on the last day of August.

Talking about independence day, I went to the cinema this evening with my sister and her husband. And since the independence day is around the corner, the cinema management decided to play our national theme song right before every movies. So this evening while watching trailers and waiting for our movie, there was this one group of Chinese teenagers sitting quite near to us and they were hell noisy and annoying. They talked and chuckled at everything and I don’t even understand why but I guess that’s just how fun it feels to be surrounded by your group of friends, right? ( I tend to be like that too when I’m with my friends lol) So after a few minutes, our national theme was about to start and of course the audience have to stand up and sing together to show respect and that was the moment I expected those Chinese groupies to make fun of the song BUT, I was wrong. They stood up straight, annoying chuckles gone like a dust in the wind, and they actually stopped talking to each other during the national theme were played.  So my point is, I was amazed by what just happened. Not all annoying teenagers are disrespectful, that’s what I thought. On that moment there was a brief faith in humanity was stored. Of course not everyone stood up during the song and it kinda annoys me. What about me, you ask? Of course I stood up :p BTW we watched The Purge and all I can say is I hate the movie and I have a feeling that the movie was inspired by The Hunger Games.

And also, I have a couple of pictures to share with you fellow readers and as usual, I will let the pictures do the talking starting from now!

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Been listening to this album during the early days of the month. Probably because I watched too much of Brendon Urie’s Vine videos :p

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BEST PINEAPPLE TART EVER HANDS DOWN. Thanks Etta!

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Celebrated first day of Eid at Grandmama’s house. Oh I miss her already 🙂

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Best horror movie I have ever seen in my whole goddamn life. Not to mention it is based on true story too! (Yup I took a picture of it in the cinema!)

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It’s official you guys! I have a Daft Club card. I am the biggest Daft Punk fan ever 🙂

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Getting creative with my nails last night. I tried the cartoon-like nail art, not too shabby eh?

 

Panic Attacks!

Hello all! I’ve been experiencing with weird things nowadays, and one of them is called “panic attacks”. As some people thought that panic attacks aren’t real, I am here to assure you that IT IS REAL and it is scary. It tends to happen to me while in the car; either driving or just being a passenger. It feels like the car is moving too fast when it’s only moving at 40 km/h and I feel like the car is gonna crash and my head will explode. That’s exactly how I feel when my panic attacks came.

To be honest, I thought panic attack was just a myth at first. My eldest sister has been experiencing with it since 3 years ago (as far as I remember) and her explanations about the weird sensation she felt matched 90% of how my panic attack feels. How do I know it was panic attacks? I Googled it (duh!). And how do I keep myself sane during the attacks? First rule of no-panic-attacks, don’t think about panic attacks. When it fails (and the panic attacks came), I tricked my mind that it’s gonna be okay and nothing bad is going to happen and the panic attacks are not real they’re just weird things created by my sub-conscious to fuck me up.

But thanks to myself that it rarely happened to me in these few weeks. I managed to control my mind to not think of it, and when the thoughts came I managed to push them away. Let’s get happy!

Random Things #2

Hello fellow readers. It’s been a long time and FYI, I’m just done with my final exam, it’s been a tiring month. I’m so glad I’m done with all of it, so now it’s time for me to enjoy this 2 months holiday (yeay!). BTW I have a couple of random pictures to be shared, so here they are:

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Watched a Thai movie called Pee Mak Phrakanong last week. That dude has been my massive Asian crush ever since *hearts*

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Bought my very very first 12″ vinyl. And I promised myself it has to be Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and look what I’ve got! (the 2nd one would be Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories!)

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Talking about Random Access Memories, even Mona Lisa can’t resist it. Found this picture on Instagram, it’s kinda funny.

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Ordered this beauty from Zalora. I never thought I would be a regular Zalora shopper but look what happened!

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My eldest sister got married last May. And this was her pelamin, I really adore it!

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Not sure if I wanna eat it or not. NSFW joke here lol!

Random Things #1

I just finished with one of the most twisted paper ever today. It was a paper for my Critical Thinking subject, where it was in multiple-choice questions and all the answers options are pretty much related and you just have to pick the most accurate one. I I have no idea if I can get good grades for that. But meh, I’ve tried hard for that. Hopefully everything goes well for me 🙂 Btw I’ve hoarded a couple of pics since a few days ago, just wanna show you guys these:

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I’ve downloaded VPET for my iPhone. I’m so happy to get to play this again but I got bored after playing it for 3 days 😦

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Went to a local supermarket recently and I spotted this. It’s kinda funny, because it literally translates to “Fresh Pensive Fish”, a pretty funny name for a fish yeah :p

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I took a short evening nap and when I woke up I saw these. On my face. My cats tends to be creepy but it’s still pretty adorable :3

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Jacky the Visitor visits our house again few days ago!

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Sister took a random pic of me. Never did I know it turned out to be this ‘panoramic’ or however it is called.

Gotta update with lots and lots of weird stuffs again soon, hang in there okay? Cheerio!

Midnight Rants.

Wow it’s 1:04 a.m and I still didn’t do my revision for tomorrow’s paper! I am basically fucked for that, so I guess I just have to read basic things about music. Yeah it’s my music paper tomorrow, not to mention it starts at 9 in the morning. Yeah that’s great! I just don’t have the mood to study tonight, been thinking about a lot of things. And I forced myself to talk to a lot of people just to make me forget that I’m actually pretty sad right now. Hmm I just hope I’ll (at least) remember this:

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Our music tutor also promised to give us A for the subject. I’ll also do my best for my paper tomorrow morning but if I didn’t get A or A- for my paper consider him to be a promise-breaker yeah, can I even think like that? :p

RIP 2012.

1: What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
– Getting myself into a car accident, accidentally.

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
– No, and I want to say no for the second but I know I will keep on making more.

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?
– Nope.

4: Did anyone close to you die?
– Hmm no.

5: What countries did you visit?
– Singapore was in the plan but, you know, crashed plans.

6: What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012
– True happiness.

7: What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
– 17/10/2012. First car accident ever.

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?
– I got into a university 🙂

9: What was your biggest failure?
– My life.

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?
– Hmm if you count consecutive fever weeks, then yes. It hurts a lot.

11: What was the best thing you bought?
– My iPhone.

12: Whose behaviour merited celebration?
– Me for being able to detached myself from a new unhealthy friendship.

13: Whose behaviour made you appalled?
– Mine as well. I promised myself I would be better every year but I’m just getting worse -.-

14: Where did most of your money go?
– Foods, records.

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?
– My Sigur Rós concert, but it never happened because of reasons.

16: What song will always remind you of 2012?
– Hmm Gotye – Somebody That I Used To Know? Because it just sounds so 2012-ish. Or maybe Foster The People – Pumped Up Kicks.

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
– Sadder / Fatter / Poorer

18: What do you wish you’d done more of?
– Exercise, save more money.

19: What do you wish you’d done less of?
– Be grumpy to everyone, let my feelings have a total control on me.

20: How did you spend Christmas?
– I don’t celebrate Christmas.

21: Did you fall in love in 2012?
– Not sure if love or just boredom. But it makes me feel good for awhile.

22: What was your favourite TV program?
– For 2012? The Walking Dead.

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
– Lol of course. I met a decent amount of douchebags and bitches in university.

24: What was the best book you read?
– Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan S. Foer.

25: What was your greatest musical discovery?
– Do you want me to get started on this? Oh wow, I discovered a lot of great musics in 2012. Tom Jobim, Vinicius De Morales, Bombay Bicycle Club, Paul Desmond, and a lot more.

26: What did you want and get?
– Sigur Rós Valtari album and an iPhone.

27: What did you want and not get?
– To go to Sigur Rós concert. Tristeza 😦

28: What was your favourite film of this year?
– There’s a lot… But I can safely say it’s The Hobbit.

29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
– I don’t know.

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
– I wear less t-shirts and more girlish outfits.

31: What kept you sane?
– Myself, really. If I didn’t control myself I would probably go smashing my head to the wall right now.

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
– Always Robert Smith. Always.

33: What political issue stirred you the most?
– There’s a lot of issues that stirred me but I can’t really remember what.

34: Who did you miss?
– My friends. I miss them a lot.

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
– Appreciate peoples around you because they might be gone before you knew it. And all good things in life comes to an end, so that’s it.

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
– “I’ve got a strong urge to fly. But I got nowhere to fly to.”